The pain in his eyes
by iole01
Summary: An alternate way Charlie would have reacted to Bella and Edward's return from Volterra. Ties in with plot of 'New Moon'. BxE R&R
1. Chapter 1

**I wrote this a long time ago, before Becoming Bella but thought I'd post it now. I'm a bit dramatic and therefore seem to like the most angst possible, but of course I love the books and this was just a little something I thought of when reading New Moon, that would not change the overall plot. I hope you enjoy it!  
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The pain in his eyes

"_It was quiet then, except for the gentle thrum of the engine. I must have fallen asleep, because it seemed like seconds later when the door opened and Edward was carrying me from the car. My eyes wouldn't open. At first I thought we were still at the airport.  
>And then I heard Charlie.<br>'Bella!' he shouted from some distance.  
>'Charlie,' I mumbled, trying to shake off the stupor.<br>'Shh,' Edward whispered. 'It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep." _**– New Moon ch. 22 Flight, p.498**

**Chapter 1: Home sweet home?**

**Bella POV**

"How dare you show your face here? Let go of my daughter! Don't touch her! You'll just hurt her again!" Charlie yelled crossing the distance between us and roughly yanked me out of Edward's arms to pin me to his side protectively.

"Where have you been?" He directed towards me, before I could respond Edward interfered; "She was with me Charlie, I will explain, please just let her rest." Charlie's face flushed with anger "I will not have anyone tell me what to do! I had to take of Bella when you abandoned her! I am fully capable of taking care of her!" I sagged slightly; exhaustion preventing me from supporting my weight, Charlie wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me up.

Carlisle's smooth voice cut through the tense atmosphere, "We never insinuated the opposite Charlie. Bella has just had a long night and it would be in her best interest to go get some rest as soon as possible." That was strange, I didn't even hear Carlisle get out of the car. I could not seem to find my voice to speak my own thoughts on the matter, but all I wanted to do was sleep. Edward had remained silent hoping that Carlisle could reason with Charlie, however, it seemed to aggravate Charlie more than anything.

"Don't you realise what you have done? How much pain you caused? Do you have any idea? Huh? Do you?" Edward froze at Charlie's harsh words while I just started shaking; my body clearly showing its anguish.  
>"She became a ghost of herself, barely present. She wasn't Bella anymore." Charlie whispered the last part. I could feel tears building up in my eyes. It pained me to know how much I actually hurt Charlie. Edward remained frozen on the spot; speechless. Suddenly, Charlie's rant increased tempo,<br>"Pain was always there in her eyes, it never left even over time. Pain that you caused!"  
>"Charlie stop, please!" I whimpered, finally regaining my voice. He just ignored me. "She went catatonic. No food, no movement! She wouldn't talk!" I saw Edward flinch as I desperately clung to Charlie's side.<p>

This time, it was Carlisle's warning voice that spoke up, "Charlie, Edward didn't mean any harm and I know for a fact that he suffered too. Now, lets just get Bella inside, she is exhausted."

"No!" Charlie yelled, "He will know exactly how much pain he put my daughter in!" I saw the rest of the Cullen's get out of their cars, obviously having heard the commotion and unsure whether to act or not. Each of them carried a look of pain and disbelief as my true feelings about them leaving were revealed.

"She was alone in the forest for hours looking for you. HOURS!" At Charlie's words, both Edward and I cringed. "Charlie, I told you that was my fault" I murmured weakly while me legs threatened to give out.

"Charlie, don't!" Alice's shrill voice cut through the evening air like a knife cutting through butter.  
>"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!" Charlie roared. At this Edward fell to his knees in front of me, letting out a yelp of pain. Alice clutched Esme's arm in pure terror, both their faces masks of pain; Alice had obviously seen what was about to unfold.<p>

My body finally overpowered me as my tears started streaming down my face. It wasn't Charlie revealing my deepest secrets, it wasn't the strangled sobs emanating from Alice's and Esme's chests or the horror plastered on the Cullen's faces. No, it was the pain in _his_ eyes that sent me sliding down Charlie's side, grasping for any support as my breathing turned into hyperventilation and my vision swirled until the only thing I saw were _his_ agonized eyes.

Immediately Charlie halted his angry speech to try and hold me; worry was written all over his face. "Bella, oh Bella! I'm sorry!" His hands fluttered around my face, unsure how to calm me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward snap out of his trance and try to reach out to me; pain and anguish seeming to be his only emotions.

"Stay away from her! Don't you think you have done enough damage?" My vision was blurring and I felt a sharp pain in my chest every time I drew a ragged breath. I vaguely saw Edward engulfed with fury and guilt as he was about to argue but Carlisle's stressed voice-yet still full of authority- reached my ears, "Jasper, Emmett, bring Edward back to the car." They both gave one short and then started to proceed at dragging Edward back. Rosalie, Alice and Esme all followed them with sombre expressions. My panic increase tenfold as I saw Edward leaving me once again.

This time, I wouldn't survive, I wouldn't! My lungs were running out of oxygen, pain coursed through my body, every ache and bruise acquired over the past few days making themselves known. Why fight? He left me, no point in fighting anymore. I was vaguely aware of Charlie on the ground next to me, holding my body as I shook violently from my sobs.

Suddenly, I felt two cold hands gently holding my face. "Bella? Bella, look at me." Carlisle's firm voice broke through my panic attack. I lifted my head. "There, come on Bella, deep breaths." I struggled to comply with him, matching my breathing to his. "That's it, nice and slow." I don't know how long I stared into the calming topaz eyes until slowly, my muscles relaxed and sleep threatened to overtake me once again.

"She will be ok Charlie. She just needs to calm down and rest. I will bring her to her room." I didn't hear any protests from Charlie as Carlisle lifted me from the ground and carried me upstairs. All I could think of was Edward. I no longer cared about anything else.

"Edward. Edward. Edward." I whimpered. His name just slipped out of my lips. Carlisle's comforting words were the last thing I heard before loosing my grip on reality, "He will come back."

**Thank you for reading this! The second chapter will be the same scene but in Edward's point of view!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you everybody who has read my story! So this is the same event but in Edward's point of view. I have one more chapter after this, but thank you so much for reading!**

Chapter 2: Home sweet home?

Edward POV

As soon as Charlie yelled Bella's name, I wish he wouldn't have; Bella really needed some sleep right now, she was emotionally and physically drained. Charlie's thoughts were clouded with worry and anger and for a few seconds, they overwhelmed me. However, a few seconds was all it took for Charlie to rip my angel out of my arms and suck her into his instead. I was upset at no longer being able to hold her and I was also angry at Charlie for treating Bella so roughly, as she stumbled to his side.

"Where have you been?" Charlie's accusations towards Bella finally caught my attention as his words were raw, but I knew that the worry he felt for his daughter over the past few days had been overpowering. I tried to absorb Bella's blows as I attempted to calm Charlie.

"She was with me Charlie, I will explain, please just let her rest." However, this seemed to only aggravate him further as I touched a nerve.  
>"I will not have anyone tell me what to do! I had to take of Bella when you abandoned her! I am fully capable of taking care of her!" My heart tightened painfully as I heard the words "abandoned her". Images of her depression seemed to be planted in his mind, but they were covered with the red haze of anger, hence making it impossible for me to see them clearly. Bella seemed to sink a little lower at her father's words and I wanted nothing more than to hold her and comfort her and explain my actions no matter how hard it might me.<p>

At Charlie's loud words, Carlisle got out of the car and tried to settle the argument for now as he pressed on Bella needing her sleep. I fully agreed with him but restrained myself from commenting as Charlie was already thinking murderous thoughts about me.

Obviously, nothing I could do was right, as my silence increased Charlie's anger.  
><em>He shouldn't be here! Doesn't he understand? He should be crawling on his knees for forgiveness and Bella still shouldn't give him the time of the day! Yet here he stands, silently letting his dad defend him!<em>

"Don't you realise what you have done? How much pain you caused? Do you have any idea? Huh? Do you?" I froze as the red haze lifted in his mind revealing the vivid memories of Bella over the months I left her. It was absolutely excruciating seeing her like that; totally vulnerable. The pain flowed through my body, locking down all my muscles. I still couldn't react when I saw my love start to tremble; I was completely useless.__

"She became a ghost of herself, barely present. She wasn't Bella anymore." Charlie continued reliving the memories in his mind, stumbling on his last sentence. The pain laced in his voice and thoughts made the memory that much more vivid as I saw Bella walk around the house with no purpose, dark circles under her eyes, bones visible through her fragile skin, she just walked around the house, cleaning what was already clean with seemingly no thought process. 

After giving himself time to be swept away my memories, a new determination formed in Charlie's mind; he was going to make sure I knew _exactly_ how much suffering I had caused.

"Pain was always there in her eyes, it never left even over time. Pain that you caused!" I felt a huge pain in my chest at the harsh accusation. Harsh but completely true. Bella- being the true beautiful selfless creature she was- tried to stop her father, to stop my pain, but Charlie was determined.

"She went catatonic. No food, no movement! She wouldn't talk!" At this, I had to flinch. The pain in my body was getting the better of me, but the only movement I seemed capable of doing, was a gesture of pain. In a way I didn't mind. I deserved this. After everything I have done to such an innocent creature! I deserve to suffer. She wouldn't speak? She wouldn't let anyone else enjoy her beautiful voice? Or see her gorgeous smile? Nobody should be deprived of her presence, her real presence; not just her body. From the images I was getting out of Charlie's head, I might as well have injured my love and just watch her bleed.

Carlisle was trying to sooth me with his mind,

_Edward, don't beat yourself up about this, You couldn't have know. She will forgive you. She loves you son._

But did I want her to forgive me? I do not deserve forgiveness.

"Charlie, Edward didn't mean any harm and I know for a fact that he suffered too. Now, let's just get Bella inside, she is exhausted." Carlisle attempted once again to get Bella up to bed, but I could still feel the determination in Charlie's thought; he hadn't finished with me yet.

I could hear my families concerned thoughts but I paid them no attention, they were not important right now.  
><em>All the pain they are going through! And the anger! All the anguish! I can't take this anymore… But this is my entire fault, I started this. –Jasper<em>

_Poor, poor Bella! If only we had known! I would have come racing back for her, for my daughter. –Esme_

_I can't stand this! I tried to make things easier for my family! I really did! How could one human cause such trouble? And how could I make it all worse? –Rose_

_Man, I need to go help them! My little sis being hurt like this! We should never have left. –Emmett_

_I don't know what to do! The future keeps changing! But I can't just stay in here! My brother and my best friend need me!-Alice_

I blocked all their thoughts, their guilt and concern wouldn't do anything to help right now.

"No!" Charlie yelled, "He will know exactly how much pain he put my daughter in!" I came back to the current conversation Charlie and Carlisle were having and my heart sunk when I looked at Bella. She seemed to be desperately trying to hold her tears as her body shook from stress. She _needed_ to rest!

At this, my family couldn't stand staying in the car any longer, they all came out, unsure how to help and horrified to learn how much our departure had affected Bella.

"She was alone in the forest for hours looking for you. HOURS!" Charlie continued, oblivious to the building audience. I cringed and so did my love, we were both remembering that black day. "Charlie, I told you that was my fault" still she tried to take the blame! How can she take the blame for something that is entirely my fault? I saw an image of her curled up in a man's arms as she was carried out of the forest murmuring "He's gone" pass through Charlie's mind. I compared this picture to the angel in front of me and almost gave a cry of despair. She was still in pain, her face was contorted in pain and her legs seemed to buckle underneath her. Whatever I did, I caused her pain. However she remained standing relying heavily on Charlie's support.

Suddenly, Alice's piercing voice cut through the tense silence, "Charlie, don't!" She just had a vision but I didn't have time to check it through her mind before Charlie roared: "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!"

Agony washed through me, sending me to my knees. Agony worse than Jane's gaze. Agony that made me want to curl up in a ball and grab my head. I could have killed Bella. I could have killed the love of my life. There was no doubt in Charlie's thoughts, he knew that his daughter could have died from this ordeal.

My thoughts were spinning, making it impossible for me to control my expression. I had left to protect her, but all I did was bring more harm to her. I lifted my gaze to her own, to see my angel once more and what I saw truly made me regret my actions.

As soon as Bella saw me eyes, she started clutching her chest and sagging to the floor. Her breathing was hard and laboured with no pattern, just like her heart.  
>Charlie automatically turned to Bella apologising. He felt truly guilty for doing this to his daughter, her fragility pulled him from his determination to make me see the truth.<br>_Why did I do this to her? I know how hard it is for her and yet I pushed even when she asked me to stop! I was just trying to punish him, for everything he has done, for her. But I only seem to have done things wrong…_

Charlie's thoughts were in sync with mine; I was also trying to protect her with leaving and only ended up hurting her. As Charlie tried unsuccessfully to calm my angel down, I came out of my self pitying trance-like state to help her. She was the only one who mattered and right now she was in physical pain… because of me. I tried to approach her but Charlie cut me off,

"Stay away from her! Don't you think you have done enough damage?" It is true, I have done enough damage and I will be damned if I don't do everything in my power to fix _my_ Bella. I was just about to voice my thoughts when Carlisle's doctor side kicked in, "Jasper, Emmett, bring Edward back to the car." Wait, no! I couldn't leave her! Suddenly the minds I was trying to block, made themselves known in my head.

_She needs to calm down Edward. I cannot have her passing out. The only way I can attend to her is if you get out of here. Go, clear your head. –Carlisle_

_Come on Edward, we are only trying to help. We got to get you out of here –Emmett_'s serious voice was in large contrast to his usual happy character. I still didn't want to leave, but Jasper's thoughts struck a chord,

_Think about Bella Edward. She needs some space. Her feelings are overwhelming. _ I saw flashes in his mind of her all consuming pain and it rooted me on the spot. _We are leaving now!- Jasper_ And with that, Japer and Emmett towed me to the car, I was in too much of a daze to offer any resistance.

Once I was in the car, I couldn't contain my pain any longer. Again, I offered no resistance as sobs racked through my body. I was suddenly surrounded my several pairs of comforting arms; those being from Alice and Esme. Rosalie had returned too but she just looked into my eyes with such guilt.

Jasper whipped the car into motion, speeding away from my love's house. I clung desperately to Esme and Alice who were now sobbing with me. I was still close enough to monitor Carlisle's thoughts,

_ She needs to calm down, I can't have her passing out in this state. That's it, good Bella, keep going… _I saw in his mind as Bella eventually calmed with a resigned and hopeless look on her face. She seemed to be whimpering my name unknowingly as Carlisle reassured her; "He will come back."

We were now almost home and I was too far away to hear Carlisle, but his words were still vivid in my mind. I will not leave her again. I will go back to her as soon as I am released from my family's grasp, I will go back to my love, my life, and I can swear now, I will not hurt her like this again. 


	3. Chapter 3

**So this is the last chapter, I would like to thank everybody who had read this short story and I hope you enjoyed it :)****  
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Edward POV

As soon as Emmett and Jasper brought me to the car, I burst into angry sobs. I was beyond the point of caring how ridiculous I might look; everything was just too overwhelming. As if being reunited with Bella in Volterra wasn't enough, I had to deal with the consequences when I got back. I never assumed I could avoid them, I just never realized- I mean, I honestly thought it was for Bella's good and to see, to hear, to _feel_ the ordeal I not only put her through but Charlie and the people around her too, well there was no forgiveness for such an act. I am despicable. I was barely aware of Jasper's calming waves or of Emmett's grim expression. Bella was in _pain_, she still was, this very second she was outside struggling to breathe and I couldn't do anything to help her. No, here I was, sobbing like the coward I was. I have caused so much pain, I should be strong enough to deal with my own, I don't deserve the sympathy from my family- I almost wish they would hate me because then I would have the opportunity to beg with all I have and even then I wish they would never forgive me. But they don't hate me and it makes it that much harder to live with myself. There is no winning, on one hand, I want to never earn forgiveness because I don't deserve it, and I know that will cause me pain but having them give me sympathy also hurts me because it constantly reminds me of what a loathsome creature I am.

Everybody had got into their cars now, I didn't even notice Esme slip in beside me and hold me. I wish she didn't. Her words were of no importance to me. She couldn't help, she couldn't fix my mistake- this was permanent. I felt even more ashamed to realize that I had been to busy wallowing in pain to even pay attention to Bella. Bella, everything revolves around her. Her every breath, her heartbeat- everything was crucial and right now she was struggling to take a basic human necessity because of me. I could hear her slowly calm down thanks to Carlisle and I was grateful that I at least had him to take care of her, to be able to help her when I was useless. My heart broke that little bit more if even possible when Bella still asked for me, still needed me. I don't deserve her, I never did. Such a turmoil of emotions and thoughts, I just couldn't handle it, it was too much to bear. Any human would be crushed by the weight I was carrying. How can I even express it? How can I find the words to even start describing a fraction of what I am feeling, of what I am thinking. What am I thinking? How much of this is my mind, how much is my family, how much is my emotion? I was beginning to panic, I couldn't do this, I couldn't mend it. I could not make things better.

"Edward, Edward!" Esme called me urgently, her face twisted in anguish. I was a monster to cause so much pain.  
>"Please Edward" She sobbed "Stop this, stop torturing yourself, please stop." She clung to me for dear life and once I connected with what was around me, everything hit me like a tidal wave. It shook me enough to give me the determination to pull myself together for my family. Right now- misguided or not- they cared for me, they supported me, they were there for me. I would stand strong for them as long as I needed until I could go back to Bella. Like the selfish creature I am, I will go crawling back to her and little does she now that her very presence pulls me together. Everything is ok when I am with her, it was the only thing I was still holding hope for. I needed to see Bella.<p>

I knew my family would be understanding and would not hold me longer than absolute necessary. I sat up straight and met the wary gaze of my family; Jasper had chosen to ride with Rose in the other car as he couldn't handle all the emotions around him. I gave and Esme an apologetic glance and she just shook her head sadly.

The ride home was extremely silent and my mind was constantly on Bella. I avoided thinking of anything else; as long as Bella took me back, everything would be ok, I would find a way to make things ok. Not one word was said as we all immediately went to the dinning room. We took are seats and sat in an awful silence.  
>"Edward, son-"<br>"I'll tell you what you need to know and then I have to go."  
>"I understand." I stared at him and he flinched back, I didn't need to hear his thoughts to understand why- I must look a mess and not particularly amiable. Alice approached me slowly and placed her small hand on my arm.<br>"Edward, go. I'll tell them what happened." I looked swiftly around the room. Esme was quietly sobbing with a somber Carlisle by her side. Rosalie was feeling beyond guilty with a slight edge of resentment and of course Emmett who felt the distress and sorrow of the situation. Jasper felt guilty; he believed that it was all his fault in the first place, but I could never blame him, he was also relieved, he had Alice back safe and sound and no matter the tension, he would always be grateful for that fact. Alice stood by me, pain etched across her face. Every single member of my family left without a moment's notice when I asked them. Esme loved Bella as a daughter and so did Carlisle. Alice lost a best friend, even Emmett had grown fond of Bella. But they all left, of course not without trying to reason with me when I was unshakable, but the conclusion is they left and now whatever semblance of a life they had temporarily created over the past few months, they were ready to drop it again so that I could come back, back to my love, back to Bella. I nodded at Alice's previous statement and stood up abruptly.  
>"Thank you." I whispered. Nothing more needed to be said as I quickly fled my house to the only place I could call home; Bella's side.<p>

As I was running, I heard muffled screaming which couldn't be anything else but Bella. I pushed myself to the fastest I could, my mind already flying miles ahead. What was happening now? How much more could she endure? I was at her house in a matter of seconds and climbed through her window without hesitation to find her clutching her pillow with the sheets tightly around her body as she thrashed.  
>"EDWARD!" Hearing my name caused another blow of pain as I realized the reason for her nightmare. I quickly pushed it aside as I rushed to her and pulled her hands away from her face so she wouldn't injure herself.<br>"Bella, shhh Bella, I'm here. I'm right here." She slowly stilled and grabbed onto my shirt still whimpering.  
>"Edward, don't. Don't leave me." I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks and pure agony coursed through me. She needed me so much, and I left her.<br>"Never Bella, never again. I'm here, for now and always." I slid onto the bed and pulled her close as she subconsciously clung to me. She slowly relaxed into the embrace and eventually her breathing evened out until she was back into a deep sleep against my chest; where she belonged.

I held her tightly remembering the blissful hours we spent once out of the heart of the Volturi. Having her wrapped in the cloak again mu chest after so much time a part was truly heaven. I couldn't help but stare at her face, trace her features, I just couldn't get enough of her. My eyes didn't miss anything, I cherished every memorable side such as her creamy pale skin, her deep brown eyes, her breathtaking blush, but it was impossible not to notice that her creamy white skin was _too_ pale, her deep brown eyes were surrounded by dark shadows and her breathtaking blush was less frequent than ever before. My arms tightened around my frail Bella as I could see all these small details again; proof of my mistakes spread before me. I left to protect her and I only broke her down. She was even more fragile than before, something I would think impossible; she had lost weight, weight that I would make sure she gained back. I needed to focus my energy not on what I did to her, but how to bring her back to life. There would be more than physical work, it was apparent with her behavior towards me that she was very hesitant, her reactions wary as if _I_ were fragile or if _I_ was afraid or that _I_ might run. She seemed slow to show as much affection first, she needed me to make the first step; not that I minded, I just couldn't describe it. Her behavior was just _off_. Yeah 'off' how would I know? I haven't been around her for so long- who am I to judge such things, to assume I still know her?

Bella stirred slightly but only to come closer to me. Her blood called to me as before, but no such vile thoughts entered my mind. I inhaled deeply- drowning in the scent that covered every surface of her room.

How could I have ever left her? Where did I find the strength, the determination? As I gazed at her beautiful form, I knew that I would never be able to leave her again. Even the smallest absence would tear at my heart. If only I could explain to Bella my turmoil, if only I could make her understand. I will have a lot of explaining in the morning, I am just so happy of where I am to really worry about that for the moment. I was coming back anyways, I knew I wasn't as strong as I had hoped and I was coming back. I stared at her face and again couldn't believe my luck to have fallen on such a beautiful, selfless girl. How could I ever throw that away? How could I not consider her opinion, her choice? Obviously, when it comes to her well being, Bella can never be trusted. I smiled slightly to myself as I thought of Bella's uncanny curse of clumsiness. Could I kid myself into believing that I was actually protecting her by staying? Well, convincing or not, I was staying- there was no doubt about it.

My thoughts seemed to run back in forward as I couldn't keep my concentration on one thing. I mean, who in their right mind would leave their love? What I did was inexcusable. I might as well have stabbed her in the chest and watch her bleed without making any move to help her. I groaned quietly when I heard Charlie's heavy footsteps drag up the stairs to come check on his daughter. I quickly kissed Bella's forehead before dashing out of the window. As soon as I left her, she started stirring and whimpering. My non-existent heart constricted in my chest. Charlie's thoughts were calmer than before but still full of pain and anger.  
>"Edward, don't go." She cried. "Edward, I love you." So much love after everything I have done- I truly don't deserve her.<br>_What has she done to deserve this? Why was my daughter chosen for this? Why did she have to fall in love with that boy? He thinks he can just come back into our lives? I won't let him, I won't let him hurt Bella like that again. She is worth so much more. If only he could see what he did to her.  
><em>But I did see, I did understand; Charlie would never understand to what extent I understood. I could see her clearly walking through the house, her eyes glazed over and empty- a ghost of the beautiful person she really was.  
>"It's okay baby girl, everything will be ok." He sighed and I felt the strong though of helplessness emanating from his mind; more of his memories of Bella constantly waking up screaming until he just had to let her fall back asleep, he remembered vividly lying awake is his room listening to her muffled screams and it tore both of our hearts. With a deep grumble, he stood up and left downstairs. He cared for Bella so much, his affection for his daughter was often lost in his silences, but he had been worried sick over the past few days.<p>

As soon as he was out of the room, I was back next to Bella and immediately soothed her as I took her back in my arms. I was amazed she hadn't woken up but she was extremely tired and I was glad- she needed her sleep. I contented myself with simply watching Bella sleep, basic things such as her steady heartbeat and every single breath increased my love for her and my determination to fix things as much as physically possible. I would never leave this woman- that much was certain. I stilled my thoughts as much as I could and solely concentrated on the beautiful creature before me. Whatever happens, whatever she feels, I will be there; whatever it takes. It's simple just as it is exquisite.

I love her.


End file.
